Tyro Tragedies &
"Expert" Experiences
A
Tyro (or Tiro) is: A beginner in learning; a novice.
Here are a few sad stories from those of us who should know
better or were just too green.
Feel free to send
your stories for inclusion. |
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Frolics
in France - by Bikegirl
Chris: "So, you're an expert on this Folembray track and
I want to get a bit faster. Do you mind if I follow your line
for a few laps?"
Susie: "Sure, Chris, I'll take it steady, just don't follow
me if you think I'm going too fast for you <brag brag big
head>"
Chris "Great thanks"
One lap later Chris is off into the grass, bins his new Firestorm
- captured on video (see below)
We all gather round the pranged machine. The forks are all twisted
but nothing looks bent.
Susie: "Well, if we undo all the pinch bolts we can straighten
the forks and bars"
Everyone else thinks ooh, Susie knows about bikes "Yeah,
OK then"
So we all loosen the pinch bolts and Susie says - "How
about the ones at the top?" (the top yoke)
We undo those too and oddly the whole bike flops down onto the
front wheel. Shit. Four of us can't manage to combine lifting
the thing up with doing up the pinch bolts.
Cue a return to the hotel to pick up a jack... Susie looking
very redfaced and not quite so cool.
This
was Chris' first track day - Folembray in Northern France.
Click
here for an enlaged photo.
Click on the picture to view the Video
Clip (248k). |
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Crumple
queen - my first bike by Treaclepudding
My boyfriend said he would help me find my first bike, and got
me a Honda CB100N since that was what he had learned on ten
years previously. He said it was a good reliable 4 stroke, and
he knew how to fix one blindfolded. Although it had been a good
bike in it’s day, we both soon realised that it was an
outdated and outclassed dog by modern standards, still, it was
cheap.
This was just as well, as three weeks after getting it on the
road, I had plucked up the courage to undertake a big journey,
and go and visit my mum in Wales some 80 miles away. I steered
clear of the dual carriageways and stuck to the A roads, as
I lacked the confidence to ride in fast moving traffic, and
the bike could not hit 70mph anyway.
All was going well and halfway there I was concentrating hard,
trying to put all the roadcraft that I had been taught into
practice and anticipate the actions of other road users. It
was at this point, suffering from “sensory overload”,
that I mistook the green lights of a zebra crossing for the
traffic lights just beyond……….I realised my
error as I landed on the bonnet of the car turning right, having
pushed the petrol tank in six inches with my pelvis before flying
over the bars. I was not seriously hurt apart from a torn muscle,
and severe bruising, especially to my pride. As for the bike,
my boyfriend sold the lot for £30 to somebody who wanted
the alternator.
Before |
After |
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Mitch's
memory lane
Adjusted the chain on my CB125 for the first time just before
a long trip over Snake Pass, Sheffield to Liverpool. Got a few
miles thinking "The back end feels a bit funny", stopped
at side of road to check for a flat. Guess who had forgotten
to tighten up the rear spindle nut... Another one: Took front
wheel off my GPz550 to get a new tyre fitted. The forks had
sprung together slightly and there was just no way I could get
the wheel and spacers back in. Phoned Scouse Dave who came round
to help. For 2 to 3 hours we struggled with the thing, him trying
to pull the fork legs apart, me trying to slide the wheel in
and hold the spacers, vice versa, and everything else our tiny
and inefficient brains could think of. My dad came home from
work. He has taught metalwork, engineering, foundrywork etc
for 40 years. He takes a long bolt, some wood as packing and
a nut to fit the bolt. Places bolt with packing between fork
legs with nut wound in. Winds nut out a few turns, opening the
forks out millimeter perfect to allow the wheel and spacers
in. Took him less than 3 mins. Dave and I shamble off shamefaced...
Mitch |
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| Donington
disaster - by Bikegirl
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After two years out of
biking I bought myself a Honda VTR Firestorm (I couldn't
get insurance for an R1 or a Gixxer 1000). I bought it
on the Saturday and decided to "go for it" and
do a Donington track evening on the Monday. |
We turned up late and I forgot to take my sparkies off, so
I was in a bit of a rush and came in after 1 warmup lap to
change my sliders. I went straight out again and completed
another couple of laps then got a bit fed up with following
2 slow blokes and my then boyfriend on his Blade. Cue a big
undertake off the racing line near the spark plug - did you
know there's a double bump on the outside of Craner Curves?
Well I do now. I got past the slow blokes then lost the front
end on the bumps and went into a lowside down the track, taking
my boyfriend out in the process. Our relationship didn't last
much longer.... Oops.
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Peurile
posing - Geoff Byrne
I had been out a couple of times with a girl who had never been
on a bike, but liked the image, I took her out for a quick spin
and she really liked it, so we decided that the next sunny day
we would go for a long ride. I took her for a tour round North
Wales, we stopped at Swallow Falls and she jumped off the pillion.
The vast car park was nearly empty, so I decided to show off
a little.
At
the time I had a Kawasaki 440 LTD, one of those bogus
chopper things with very low ground clearance, I had mastered
the art of scraping the footpegs on it until they were
chamfered to 45%.
I set off doing figure of eights around the car park,
flicking the bike from side to side, trailing showers
of sparks. |
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All was going well until I hit a patch of oil, lost it and hurtled
off across the car park on my bars and exhaust, trailing one
leg on the tarmac, still on top of my bike. I slid to a halt,
picked the bike up hurriedly, and she came running over as I
was straightening out my indicator stalks. She said “I
was laughing at first, until I saw your leg trailing, have you
seen the size of the hole in your jeans?” “It’s
nothing, let’s go and have a look at the waterfall.”
I replied dismissively. I walked down the dozens of steps to
the waterfall, trying not hobble, feeling a prickly trickling
sensation down my right leg, from the large tear in my strides.
When I got the chance I had a sneaky look at the damage, when
she was looking at the falls. All it was was prickly heat from
the graze. After a drink in the Swallow Falls Hotel, she got
back on my bike. I had been half expecting her to demand the
train fare home. |
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Pissed
up and pathetic - another bikegirl one!
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Do you remember the bad
old days when it wasn't a heinous crime to get pissed
up and drive? When red faced portly old men used to have
10 whiskies at an extended business lunch and thought
nothing of driving home to their loving families? Well,
I once had the drive shaft snap on my old XJ750 - my first
bike after my test and I knew nothing of bike mechanic
wizardry. |
I had a few too many jars at a party and thought it would be
a good idea to take friends for a spin around the cul-de-sac.
The fact that I'd snapped the drive shaft and therefore wasn't
going anywhere completely escaped me. I spent ages trying to
figure out why the gears didn't seem to engage, then dropped
the thing on its side and fell on top of it in a drunken stupor.
Thank god. At least it saved me from harm other than bruised
pride and knees. Remember kids - don't drink and drive! |
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Elude
the law with lube - by a friend of "Slap"
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Slap sprayed his numberplate
with chain lube to foil speed cameras. He was nabbed by
the old bill, given a warning that if they see him with
his plate in that condition again they'll give him a ticket.
He got away with it a few times then the inevitable happened:
“I pulled you the other week, son, you’re
nicked”. |
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Tyro
tyre tragedy - Bikegirl again
It's rough when you can't afford new tyres - I was tempted to
just keep running on them until the canvas was showing. Well,
back in those days I didn't know that canvas showing was "bad".
I wanted to go to a friend's wedding in Scotland and I had £5
to my name. So I cranked the bike up, filled up the tank and
set out. My reasoning was that I could borrow a tenner off a
mate in the Lakes (did I ever pay him back?) and afford the
fuel to get me home. I got a ticket leaving my bike parked up
in Kendal overnight but it wasn't for parking, it was for bald
tyres. But I can't afford new tyres officer! I had no idea they
could have popped at any time and still did the run up to Scotland
and back to Wiltshire with canvas wearing badly. Lucky old me. |
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Tyro
tyre tragedy 2 - "Slap"
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Slap went to Donington
with a brand new rear tyre. He carried out an impressive
burn-out on grass, split his trye carcass on a buried
stone. He and his bike went home in the back of a pickup
truck. |
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